Friday, March 20, 2009 12:46 AM
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love
for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one
, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?”
I asked.“I can’t”“Why? You need to study at home?”
I felt disappointment grabbing me.“No… I am going to meet a friend…”
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’
before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say
anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before
we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday
, without fail. I don’t know why…
Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored
my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared
, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room
, one by one. There were many…Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting
for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy
and I ran out
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad,
I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic
self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words
and left. “I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off
. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed
to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not
the right guy for me…After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing
me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday..
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never
showed me…as he touched
the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell
… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw
the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget
him, that… it’s going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it.
Jin: What….why…I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking
” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked
over to the road to pick up
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored
me and just went to pick
the doll. Then…
Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards
“Jin! Move! Move away!
” I shouted… But he didn’t
hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll. “Jin, move!
HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.That’s how he went away
That’s how he went away without
even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness
and the sadness of losing
him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took
out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts
he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love
That was how… I started to count the dolls…“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…
” It all ended with 485
dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll
in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
“I love you~, I love you~
” I dropped the dolls, shocked.
I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach. “I love you~ I love you~
” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side. “I love you~”“I love you
~” “I love you~
” Those words came out non-stop
. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting
me. Why didn’t I realize that he love
me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last
doll, the one that fell on the road.
It had his blood stain
on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much… “Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”
The tears came flowing
out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he love
me until his last minute
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage
… to live a beautiful life.
How sweet this guy is can.. =D He gave the girl 486dolls without fail. Got this story from ChengWei's blog.
And just heard this phrase from Perfect2.'Words should not be hurtful, use it to say 'I Love You''